Do you consider yourself the most important person in the universe? Do you want to make yourself feel even more important by maintaining a high value of an ultimately meaningless metric? If the answer is “yes”, then this is the guide for you!
Disclaimer: I know stating that something is irony undermines the irony itself. Regardless, allow me to state the obvious — this “guide” is ironic. I don’t exhibit the described behaviours myself, but, having spent more than 2000 hours in the game, I observed a lot of behaviours and the pattern I describe can be seen very clearly, especially (and ironically) in the higher skill brackets (four, five, and six stars).
What is a KD Ratio?
The KD ratio is a metric that represents the relation between the amount of kills and the amount of deaths. If you have 100 kills and 100 deaths, then you would have a KD ratio of 1. If you have 100 kills and 10 deaths, then you would have a KD ratio of 10. If you have 10 kills and 100 deaths, your KD ratio would be 0.1. Since some months ago, the assists (doing damage to an enemy, but not delivering the deathblow) are also taken into account for the final calculation of the KD ratio (i.e. now it’s even easier to increase your KD ratio).
Does Your KD Ratio Indicate How Good of a Player You Are?
Not necessarily. It’s true that the majority of very good players usually have higher KDs. Correlation, however, is not causation. Regardless, you probably don’t care about facts. You are a firm believer that your KD is all that matters while playing a multiplayer team-based game. Also, who the hell am I to tell you that your KD doesn’t matter!? I’m nobody, I am an insect, I am an Untermensch.
To the Point: Increasing the KD
It’s very simple and the KD booster masters know it very well. In a nutshell, you just need to focus on minimizing your deaths (dying is sometimes inevitable, that’s why eliminating deaths is not achievable in practice). Whatever you do, there’s one simple rule to be followed — just keep focusing on not dying more than once per game. Keep playing, you will inevitably make some kills and make some assists. Besides the rule, there are a few important things.
The most important thing is — you die, you immediately quit. Do not hesitate. Do it immediately, even if your team is actually doing fine without you. You’re not here to play a team-oriented game. You’re here to inflate your self-worth by increasing your KD. Don’t you ever forget that!
The second most important thing is to be a scumbag — when your teammates die, you should immediately head to the extraction point*. Fighting alone against multiple enemies leaves you in a severe disadvantage. Remember — you’re not here to improve yourself as a player, your only goal is to increase your KD!
The third most important thing concerns the very poorly performing players who are struggling with kills and assists. You don’t have to worry, even you can boost your KD easily! Just buy something with a scope (the cheaper, the better), always stay behind your teammates, and use them as bait! Let them be the first to be shot out of nowhere. Now, the enemies have revealed their positions and you can make one easy headshot with your scope, if you’re fast enough. If you’re not fast enough, if you happen to miss your shot, hell, even if you landed a pefect shot on someone’s head (his/her teammates will probably try to resurrect him/her, which makes them busy and less likely to chase you), just go back to the second most important thing — immediately leave*. Don’t care about these humans called “teammates”. How do you even know that they’re actually humans? That’s right — you don’t! Even if they speak, they’re probably not humans. Just treat them as garbage, don’t say “hello”, don’t engage in small-talk, don’t do jokes, don’t laugh. Focus on that MOOFOKKEN KD!
*Bonus points if you injected yourself with four stamina shots at the beginning of the match — now you can show them the meaning of “haste”!