A guide containing each insult and comeback.
Part I: Duelling with Pirates
Note: Credit goes to Masked-Man
After convincing the Captain Smirk on Mêlée Island that you ARE man enough to be trained with the sword, (and paying 30 pieces of eight), he will take you inside and teach you a few basic insults.
Returning to the main map, there will be pirates walking around that you can get into a swordfight with.
| No. | Insult | Comeback |
| 1 | You fight like a dairy farmer. | How appropriate. You fight like a cow. |
| 2 | This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur! | And I’ve got a little TIP for you, get the POINT? |
| 3 | I’ve spoken with apes more polite then you. | I’m glad to hear you attended your family reunion. |
| 4 | Soon you’ll be wearing my sword like a shish kebab! | First you better stop waiving it like a feather-duster. |
| 5 | People fall at my feet when they see me coming. | Even BEFORE they smell your breath? |
| 6 | I’m not going to take your insolence sitting down! | Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh? |
| 7 | I once owned a dog that was smarter then you. | He must have taught you everything you know. |
| 8 | Nobody’s ever drawn blood from me and nobody ever will. | You run THAT fast? |
| 9 | Have you stopped wearing diapers yet? | Why, did you want to borrow one? |
| 10 | There are no words for how disgusting you are. | Yes there are. You just never learned them. |
| 11 | You make me want to puke. | You make me think somebody already did. |
| 12 | My handkerchief will wipe up your blood! | So you got that job as janitor, after all. |
| 13 | I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle! | I hope now you’ve learned to stop picking your nose. |
| 14 | I’ve heard you were a contemptible sneak. | Too bad no one’s ever heard of YOU at all. |
| 15 | You’re no match for my brains, you poor fool. | I’d be in real trouble if you ever used them. |
| 16 | You have the manners of a beggar. | I wanted to make sure you’d feel comfortable with me. |
Battle as many pirates as you can to learn each of the insults and comebacks above.
Part II: Duelling with the Sword Master of Mêlée Island
When you’ve fought enough people that they start to tell you that “You should fight the Sword Master,” return to town, and go back to the storekeeper. Ask to see the Sword Master and then follow him very closely when he leaves.
Once you arrive at the Sword Master’s house and the shopkeeper is rejected, walk up to her and ask to fight her…
| No. | Sword Master’s Insult | Comeback |
| 1 | I will milk every drop of blood from your body! | How appropriate. You fight like a cow. |
| 2 | I’ve got a long, sharp lesson for you you to learn today. | And I’ve got a little TIP for you, get the POINT? |
| 3 | Now I know what filth and stupidity really are. | I’m glad to hear you attended your family reunion. |
| 4 | My tongue is sharper then any sword. | First you better stop waiving it like a feather-duster. |
| 5 | I usually see people like you passed-out on tavern floors. | Even BEFORE they smell your breath? |
| 6 | You are a pain in the backside, sir! | Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh? |
| 7 | Only once have I met such a coward! | He must have taught you everything you know. |
| 8 | No one will ever catch ME fighting as badly as you do. | You run THAT fast? |
| 9 | I hope you have a boat ready for a quick escape. | Why, did you want to borrow one? |
| 10 | There are no clever moves that can help you now. | Yes there are. You just never learned them. |
| 11 | If your brother’s like you, better to marry a pig. | You make me think somebody already did. |
| 12 | My name is feared in every dirty corner of this island! | So you got that job as janitor, after all. |
| 13 | My last fight ended with my hands covered with blood. | I hope now you’ve learned to stop picking your nose. |
| 14 | My sword is famous all over the Caribbean! | Too bad no one’s ever heard of YOU at all. |
| 15 | I’ve got the courage and skill of a master swordsman! | I’d be in real trouble if you ever used them. |
| 16 | Every word you say to me is stupid. | I wanted to make sure you’d feel comfortable with me. |
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